Dec 22 2025

Ranking Stephen King Adaptations (that I’ve seen)

It’s no secret that I love Stephen King books. I’ve read a good number of them and I don’t think I’ve ever been disappointed. The adaptations, however… not always so much. I’ve seen 38 of them so here’s my ranking from worst to best. There won’t be any derivative works, nothing not directly based on the books. So no Pet Sematary 2, no Return to Salem’s Lot, etc. Enjoy!

NUMBER 38

Title:  The Lawnmower Man
Directed by: Brett Leonard
Year: 1992
Starring: Jeff Fahey, Pierce Brosnan, Jenny Wright, Mark Bringelson, Geoffrey Lewis, Jeremy Slate, Austin O’Brien
Notes: I can’t express just how bad this film is. Worst part is, there’s actors in this that can actually act, not that you can tell by watching this turd.

NUMBER 37

Title: Salem’s Lot
Directed by: Gary Dauberman
Year: 2024
Starring: Lewis Pullman, Makenzie Leigh, Jordan Preston Carter, Alfre Woodard, Bill Camp, John Benjamin Hickey, Nicholas Crovetti, Spencer Treat Clark, Alexander Ward
Notes: I was very much looking forward to this film. Then I watched it and… holy crap is this a piece of shit. It insulted my intelligence.

NUMBER 36

Title: Needful Things
Directed by: Fraser C Heston
Year: 1993
Starring: Max von Sydow, Ed Harris, Bonnie Bedelia, Amanda Plummer, JT Walsh, Ray McKinnon, Duncan Fraser, Valri Bromfield
Notes: I honestly don’t remember much about this one because I saw it when it first played on tv in 1993 (I was 12). But what I do remember is that it sucked. Stick to the book. It was great.

NUMBER 35

Title: The Night Flier
Directed by: Mark Pavia
Year: 1997
Starring: Miguel Ferrer, Julie Entwisle, Dan Monahan, Michael H Moss, John Bennes, Beverly Skinner
Notes: Another one that I don’t remember much about except for the fact that I hated it. But I’ve recently heard a few YouTubers saying that it’s worth another viewing. Maybe I will.

NUMBER 34

Title: In the Tall Grass
Directed by: Vincenzo Natali
Year: 2019
Starring: Laysla De Oliveira, Avery Whitted, Patrick Wilson, Will Buie Jr, Harrison Sloan Gilbertson, Rachel Wilson
Notes: I haven’t read the book, which King co-authored with his son, Joe Hill. It has to be better than this drivel. It has to be.

NUMBER 33

Title: The Shining
Directed by: Stanley Kubrick
Year: 1980
Starring: Jack Nicholson, Shelley Duvall, Danny Lloyd, Scatman Crothers, Barry Nelson, Philip Stone
Notes: I know many, many people are going to disagree with me here, but I absolutely hated this film. The acting is laughable, even by 80’s standards. But I can stand strong in my opinion knowing that King himself hated it.

NUMBER 32

Title: Thinner
Directed by: Tom Holland
Year: 1996
Starring: Robert John Burke, Joe Mantegna, Lucinda Jenney, Bethany Joy Lenz, Michael Constantine, Terence Kava, Kari Wuhrer
Notes: Another one I don’t remember much. What I do remember is feeling really bored.

NUMBER 31

Title: Cujo
Directed by: Lewis Teague
Year: 1983
Starring: Dee Wallace, Danny Pintauro, Daniel Hugh Kelly, Christopher Stone, Ed Lauter, Moe and Cubby the dogs
Notes: The performances in the film are great. But holy boring. The book can tell you what’s going on in Donna’s head, so it’s very good. But the film can’t do that (unless they add cheesy narration), so it just ends up being mostly dull.

NUMBER 30

Title: Salem’s Lot
Directed by: Tobe Hooper
Year: 1979
Starring: David Soul, James Mason, Lance Kerwin, Bonnie Bedelia, Lew Ayres, Julie Cobb, Elisha Cook Jr, George Dzundza
Notes: I really don’t get all the hype around this movie. It was sooooo boring…

NUMBER 29

Title: Christine
Directed by: John Carpenter
Year: 1983
Starring: Keith Gordon, John Stockwell, Alexandra Paul, Robert Prosky, Harry Dean Stanton, Christine Belford, Roberts Blossom
Notes: I just found the acting in this to be terrible, especially the lead. Ho-boy….

NUMBER 28

Title: Dreamcatcher
Directed by: Lawrence Kasdan
Year: 2003
Starring: Damian Lewis, Jason Lee, Thomas Jane, Timothy Olyphant, Morgan Freeman, Tom Sizemore, Donnie Wahlberg
Notes: This was already a silly concept as a book, but to actually see it on screen? Yikes. And it actually has a really stacked cast! How on earth did they convince all these great actors to do a film based around aliens that explode out of your anus??

NUMBER 27

Title: The Langoliers
Directed by: Tom Holland
Year: 1995
Starring: Patricia Wettig, Tom Holland, Kate Maberly, Mark Lindsay Chapman, Bronson Pinchot, David Morse, Dean Stockwell
Notes: Interesting premise, but laughable 90’s cgi really ruins it.

NUMBER 26

Title: The Tommyknockers
Directed by: John Power
Year: 1993
Starring: Jimmy Smits, Marg Helgenberger, John Ashton, Allyce Beasley, Robert Carradine, Joanna Cassidy, Cliff De Young, Traci Lords
Notes: I don’t remember much about this except people pulling their own teeth out. But I remember liking it ok. As a side note, Stephen King has said that The Tommyknockers was the product of a mountain of cocaine. So there’s that.

NUMBER 25

Title: Carrie
Directed by: Brian De Palma
Year: 1976
Starring: Sissy Spacek, Piper Laurie, Amy Irving, William Katt, John Travolta, Nancy Allen, Betty Buckley, PJ Soles
Notes: Good Idea, competently filmed, but it just left me a little cold. It was a little boring for most of the runtime.

NUMBER 24

Title: Storm of the Century
Directed by: Craig R Baxley
Year: 1999
Starring: Tim Daly, Colm Feore, Casey Siemaszko, Debrah Farentino, Dyllan Christopher, Jeffrey DeMunn, Julianne Nicholson
Notes: I only saw this once, when it aired on tv, and I remember nothing about it except that it was alright. Well, I remember the overall concept, and how it ended, so I guess that’s not exactly nothing.

NUMBER 23

Title: The Dead Zone
Directed by: David Cronenberg
Year: 1983
Starring: Christopher Walken, Brooke Adams, Tom Skerritt, Herbert Lom, Anthony Zerbe, Colleen Dewhurst, Martin Sheen
Notes: I absolutely loved the book, but the movie was pretty meh. Not awful, but definitely not something I’d watch again.

NUMBER 22

Title: Secret Window
Directed by: David Koepp
Year: 2004
Starring: Johnny Depp, John Turturro, Maria Bello, Timothy Hutton, Charles S Dutton, Len Cariou, John Dunn-Hill
Notes: Interesting idea, and most of the film was good, but the ending was a little silly. Gotta love messy-haired Johnny, though!

NUMBER 21

Title: Pet Sematary
Directed by: Kevin Kölsch, Dennis Widmyer
Year: 2019
Starring: Jason Clarke, Amy Seimetz, John Lithgow, Jeté Laurence, Hugo and Lucas Lavoie, Obssa Ahmed, Alyssa Brooke Levine
Notes: It wasn’t god-awful, but it wasn’t good either. It just felt very unnecessary.

NUMBER 20

Title: The Dark Tower
Directed by: Nikolaj Arcel
Year: 2017
Starring: Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Tom Taylor, Dennis Haysbert, Claudia Kim, Jackie Earle Haley, Fran Kranz, Katheryn Winnick
Notes: *Dreaming about what could have been* *Wakes up* “Oh…” *sigh*

NUMBER 19

Title: The Shining
Directed by: Mick Garris
Year: 1997
Starring: Steven Weber. Rebecca De Mornay, Courtland Mead, Wil Horneff, Melvin Van Peebles, Stanley Anderson, Elliott Gould
Notes: I know a lot of people didn’t really like this one, but it’s much better than the original (imho), and much closer to the real story.

NUMBER 18

Title: Apt Pupil
Directed by: Bryan Singer
Year: 1998
Starring: Brad Renfro, Ian McKellen, Joshua Jackson, Ann Dowd, Bruce Davison, David Schwimmer, Elias Koteas
Notes: Now we’re getting into the ones that I really liked. This film was beyond disturbing, but it was very well done. Plus, 17 year old me had a massive crush on Brad Renfro (rip).

NUMBER 17

Title: Firestarter
Directed by: Mark L Lester
Year: 1984
Starring: Drew Barrymore, David Keith, George C Scott, Heather Locklear, Martin Sheen, Louise Fletcher, Freddie Jones, Moses Gunn
Notes: Not a great movie by any means, but I always have fun with it. George C Scott (rip) is awesome, as always!

NUMBER 16

Title: The Dark Half
Directed by: George A Romero
Year: 1993
Starring: Timothy Hutton, Beth Grant, Amy Madigan, Patrick Brannan, Larry John Meyers, Robert Joy, Kent Broadhurst
Notes: I should re-visit this one. I remember liking it a whole lot, but I haven’t seen it in literal decades, so I don’t remember much.

NUMBER 15

Title: Salem’s Lot
Directed by: Mikael Salomon
Year: 2004
Starring: Rob Lowe, Andre Braugher, Donald Sutherland, Samantha Mathis, Dan Byrd, Rutger Hauer, James Cromwell, Robert Mammone
Notes: Finally, a version of Salem’s Lot that I actually liked! With it being a two parter, they really had more time to flesh out the story.

NUMBER 14

Title: It Chapter 2
Directed by: Andy Muschietti
Year: 2019
Starring: James McAvoy, Jessica Chastain, Bill Hader, Isaiah Mustafa, Jay Ryan, James Ransone, Andy Bean, Bill Skarsgård
Notes: While not a bad movie, it’s definitely not nearly as good as the first one. The original miniseries had that same trouble. Part 2 was good but kinda lacking. And I could have used less cgi and more practical effects. It almost always looks better.

NUMBER 13

Title: Stand By Me
Directed by: Rob Reiner
Year: 1986
Starring: Wil Wheaton, River Phoenix, Corey Feldman, Jerry O’Connell, Kiefer Sutherland, Casey Siemaszko, Gary Riley
Notes: I haven’t seen this film in years, but parts of it still live in my head. And I had such a crush on River Phoenix that started here and lasted til his untimely death (rip). Based on The Body.

NUMBER 12

Title: Misery
Directed by: Rob Reiner
Year: 1990
Starring: James Caan, Kathy Bates, Richard Farnsworth, Frances Sternhagen, JT Walsh, Misery the Pig
Notes: Such a great film. That hobbling scene lives rent-free in my head, ugh. Kathy Bates won a very well-earned Oscar for her role.

NUMBER 11

Title: The Green Mile
Directed by: Frank Darabont
Year: 1999
Starring: Tom Hanks, Michael Clarke Duncan, David Morse, Bonnie Hunt, James Cromwell, Michael Jeter, Graham Greene, Barry Pepper, Sam Rockwell
Notes: An absolutely start-studded cast are amazing in this film. Get out your Kleenex, you’re gonna need it!!

NUMBER 10

Title: 1408
Directed by: Mikael Håfström
Year: 2007
Starring: John Cusack, Samuel L Jackson, Mary McCormack, Tony Shalhoub, Len Cariou, Isiah Whitlock Jr, Jasmine Jessica Anthony
Notes: I wasn’t sure about this film the first time I saw it, but the more often I watch it, the more I love it.

NUMBER 9

Title: The Boogeyman
Directed by: Rob Savage
Year: 2023
Starring: Sophie Thatcher, Chris Messina, Vivien Lyra Blair, David Dastmalchian, Marin Ireland, Madison Hu
Notes: I’m not sure if I’m in the minority (again), but I really loved this thing. It kinda got to me, maybe cause I’m afraid of the dark, hehe.

NUMBER 8

Title: The Mist
Directed by: Frank Darabont
Year: 2007
Starring: Thomas Jane, Marcia Gay Harden, Laurie Holden, Nathan Gamble, Andre Braugher, Toby Jones, William Sadler, Jeffrey DeMunn
Notes: Bad cgi monsters aside, this film is amazing. Everyone gives great performances, and that gut-punch of an ending? Holy shit!

NUMBER 7

Title: Silver Bullet
Directed by: Daniel Attias
Year: 1985
Starring: Corey Haim, Gary Busey, Everett McGill, Megan Follows, Robin Groves, Terry O’Quinn, Leon Russom, Bill Smitrovich
Notes: I had a MASSIVE crush on Corey Haim (rip) growing up, and so I watched absolutely everything with him in it. This was one of the first ones I saw, and I was surprised at how much I liked it. Based on Cycle of the Werewolf.

NUMBER 6

Title: Rose Red
Directed by: Craig R Baxley
Year: 2002
Starring: Nancy Travis, Matt Keeslar, Kimberly J Brown, Melanie Lynskey, Julian Sands, Matt Ross, David Dukes, Judith Ivey, Julia Campbell, Emily Deschanel
Notes: Besides my lifelong crush on Julian Sands (rip), this is just a really good haunted house story. It’s surprisingly creepy for something that was made for tv.

NUMBER 5

Title: Pet Sematary
Directed by: Mary Lambert
Year: 1989
Starring: Dale Midkiff, Denise Crosby, Fred Gwynne, Miko Hughes, Brad Greenquist, Michael Lombard, Blaze Berdahl, Andrew Hubatsek
Notes: Denise Crosby’s atrocious acting aside, this movie is amazing. It’s just so unbelievably creepy. And it’s a pretty good adaptation of the book as well. Bonus points!

NUMBER 4

Title: It
Directed by: Tommy Lee Wallace
Year: 1990
Starring: Jonathan Brandis, Richard Thomas, Emily Perkins, Annette O’Toole, Brandon Crane, John Ritter, Seth Green, Harry Anderson, Adam Faraizl, Dennis Christopher, Marlon Taylor, Tim Reid, Ben Heller, Jarred Blancard, Olivia Hussey, Tim Curry
Notes: I saw this when it first aired on tv in 1990. I was 9 years old. Probably too young, but there you have it. Tim Curry is unbelievably creepy as Pennywise, and fueled my lifelong fear of clowns.

NUMBER 3

Title: The Stand
Directed by: Mick Garris
Year: 1994
Starring: Gary Sinise, Molly Ringwald, Jamey Sheridan, Ruby Dee, Adam Storke, Rob Lowe, Laura San Giacomo, Bill Fagerbakke, Corin Nemec, Miguel Ferrer, Ossie Davis, Matt Frewer, Bridgit Ryan, Shawnee Smith
Notes: Clocking in at 6 hours, this is a massive piece of film. And needed all that time because the book is a literal brick! I love this film so much. I give it a re-watch every year or 2 years. I’m actually due, it’s been a while.

NUMBER 2

Title: The Shawshank Redemption
Directed by: Frank Darabont
Year: 1994
Starring: Tim Robbins, Morgan Freeman, Bob Gunton, William Sadler, Clancy Brown, Gil Bellows, James Whitmore, Mark Rolston
Notes: With an IMDb score of 9.3/10, I don’t really think I need to explain why this one is so good. The acting, the writing, the filming, everything is amazing. Based on Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption.

NUMBER 1

Title: It
Directed by: Andy Muschietti
Year: 2017
Starring: Jaeden Martell, Finn Wolfhard, Sophia Lillis, Jeremy Ray Taylor, Chosen Jacobs, Jack Dylan Grazer, Wyatt Oleff, Nicholas Hamilton, Jackson Robert Scott, Bill Skarsgård
Notes: I never thought I’d end up loving this film as much as I do, more than the 90’s version. I mean, Tim Curry defined the role as Pennywise, but Bill Skarsgård really knocks it out of the park. This is a perfect film. Too bad the sequel didn’t hit the bar that this one set.

And that’s my list! Agree? Disagree? Let me know!

M.

p.s. There are a few notable films that are missing that I just haven’t gotten around to yet. The Monkey, The Long Walk, and Doctor Sleep are all on my to-watch list. I also want to watch Welcome to Derry, but it wouldn’t have been on this list anyways cause it’s derivative from King’s books, not really based on them.

Dec 18 2025

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Conjuring – Last Rites

The Conjuring: Last Rites (2025)
Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Mia Tomlinson, Ben Hardy, Steve Coulter, Rebecca Calder, Elliot Cowan, Beau Gadsdon, and Kíla Lord Cassidy
Directed by: Michael Chaves

The 4th and supposed final film in the wildly popular Conjuring franchise, I had high hopes for this film, seeing how much I loved the others. And while it’s not a bad movie by any means, it is the least good of the bunch.

Ed and Lorraine find themselves this time facing an entity that hits a little too close to home when it reaches out to attack their daughter, Judy.

I was so excited for this film that I did something I never do: I bought the film as soon as it was available on YouTube for either 25 or 30 bucks. I’m not exactly swimming in the dough, so I generally wait til it’s at least down to 15. And while I’m not entirely mad for spending the money, it really could have waited. Ah well.

First the good. It had a banger of an opening. Very atmospheric, very creepy. I was all in at that point. After that, however, things just got a little… formulaic I guess you could say. I can picture the producers sitting around the table smoking cigarettes and saying “just do what the others did and, oh, add tons of jumpscares and creepy smiles. People like those, right?” I really don’t know why every single entity has to smile these days. Sure, once can be creepy, if it’s done right. But all of them? All the time? Nah. The Conjuring had zero creepy smiles and was so much creepier. But I digress.

Everything in the film looked good. Most of the effects and makeup were very well done, as usual. It’s a little gorier than the previous entries, but it was done well. I even had to look away once (I’m not a huge fan of gore, it tends to make me cringe and look away). The acting was all good, but it has been consistently good for these films, so I wasn’t too surprised there. There were a few good, creepy set pieces, but unfortunately most of them ended with a “graaaahhhh!” jumpscare (cue over-dramatic musical sting here).

So do I recommend it? Yes? I guess? If you loved the series as I do, you’ll likely have a good time with it. It’s definitely not bad, just a little underwhelming as a final curtain film. I give it a decent 7/10.

M.

This film is currently for rent or purchase on YouTube and Prime.

Dec 13 2025

Mel’s 5 Second Review: A Dark Song

A Dark Song (2016)
Catherine Walker and Steve Oram
Directed by: Liam Gavin

I didn’t know what to expect with this one. All I’d really heard about it is that it was slow and amazing to some people, and awful to others. I’m glad I went in blind though, if I’d heard anything, it’d have ruined the experience. So I’ll try not say too much about it, in case someone else wants to see it.

A young woman who has recently lost her son to ritual murder enlists the help of an occultist to undergo a gruelling year-long ritual that will grant her deepest wish.

I always try to not formulate an opinion about a film before I see it, which is very hard in a day where trailers and people who say their own feelings about the film/movie/book exists. Luckily I’d never seen a trailer for this film. All I knew about it is that it was very polarizing. Some people loved it, other found it dull. Me? I’m in the former category. I kinda loved this thing.

First the good. It looked beautiful. The cinematography is on point. It feels very claustrophobic, even when there’s light streaming in through the windows. The writer/director Liam Gavin builds the tension wonderfully, so that even when it seems like not much is happening, you can feel the dread permeate the atmosphere. While there weren’t that many visual and makeup effects, the bit that we did get (mostly in the third act) were surprisingly great for such a small film. The budget, depending on the source, is said to have been between $25,000 and $50,000, which is crazy to me. It looked so good that I would expect it to be much higher. The acting was incredible from both leads. You might think a film with basically just two people in a house would be boring, but I was never bored. And it all culminates in an ending that I’m not afraid to say was poignant and oddly heartwarming, almost like it belonged in a different film. But it works, all of it. And the bad? Nothing really, this film was wonderful.

So do I recommend it? Absolutely, IF you enjoy slow burn films. If you need constant action, then maybe skip this one. I give it an 8.5/10.

M.

This film is currently streaming on Shudder.

Nov 23 2025

Remakes I Find Better Than the Original

So, I mostly tend to be in the camp of “leave movies alone, stop making unnecessary remakes”. But every so often, they’ll remake something that either I didn’t like the original at all, or was surprised at how much better something turned out. Here are 20 remakes that, to me, are better than the original. I’ve ranked them, but outside of my top 5, a lot of them are pretty interchangable.

NUMBER 20

Title: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
Year: 2005
Remake of: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (1988)
Starring: Georgie Henley, William Moseley, Skandar Keynes, Anna Popplewell, Tilda Swinton, James McAvoy, and Liam Neeson (voice)
Directed by: Andrew Adamson
Why it’s Better: Just for production value alone. This film is beautiful, and a very good adaptation of the book.

NUMBER 19

Title: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Year: 2003
Remake of: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
Starring: Jessica Biel, Jonathan Tucker, Eric Balfour, Erica Leerhsen, Mike Vogel, and Andrew Bryniarski
Directed by: Marcus Nispel
Why it’s Better: I absolutely hated the original. Like hated. I was surprised that I liked this one as much as I did. Sure, it’s got that glossy feeling that a lot of horror had in the 2000’s, but it’s still a lot of fun.

NUMBER 18

Title: The Phantom of the Opera
Year: 1989
Remake of: The Phantom of the Opera (1925)
Starring: Jill Schoelen, Robert Englund, Alex Hyde-White, Bill Nighy, and Stephanie Lawrence
Directed by: Dwight H Little
Why it’s Better: The original is a classic, of course, but I’m not a huge fan of silent films. This one leans much more into horror, and I’m all about that!

NUMBER 17

Title: Thirteen Ghosts
Year: 2001
Remake of: 13 Ghosts (1960)
Starring: Tony Shalhoub, Matthew Lillard, Shannon Elizabeth, Embeth Davidtz, Rah Digga, and F Murray Abraham
Directed by: Steve Beck
Why it’s Better: This is by no means a great movie. But I’ll be darned if I don’t love it to pieces! The setting of a glass house is so cool, and the ghosts look incredible!

NUMBER 16

Title: Romeo + Juliet
Year: 1996
Remake of: Romeo and Juliet (1968)
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Claire Danes, John Leguizamo, Harold Perrineau, and Pete Postlethwaite
Directed by: Baz Luhrmann
Why it’s Better: I do like Shakespeare’s stories, but lets be honest, most of the adaptations are stuffy affairs. This one takes the story into modern times, while still holding on the the essence of the story. Absolutely wonderful!

NUMBER 15

Title: Dawn of the Dead
Year: 2004
Remake of: Dawn of the Dead (1978)
Starring: Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames, Jake Weber, Mekhi Phifer, and Kevin Zegers
Directed by: Zack Snyder
Why it’s Better: I’m generally not a fan of zombie movies, and I find the originals by Romero uninteresting. But this one is amazing. It also one of the greatest openings in horror movie history!

NUMBER 14

Title: Crime and Punishment in Suburbia
Year: 2000
Remake of: Crime and Punishment (there are so many…)
Starring: Monica Keena, Vincent Kartheiser, Ellen Barkin, Michael Ironside, Jeffrey Wright, and James DeBello
Directed by: Rob Schmidt
Why it’s Better: Boy did I love this film when it came out. I was 19, and deeply in love with Vincent Kartheiser. I’m not sure it’s a completely accurate adaptation, besides the move to modern times. But I love it.

NUMBER 13

Title: The Grudge
Year: 2004
Remake of: Ju-on: The Grudge (2002)
Starring: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Jason Behr, William Mapother, Clea DuVall, Bill Pullman, and Takako Fuji
Directed by: Takashi Shimizu (who better to direct then the director of the original!)
Why it’s Better: I’m almost ashamed to say it, but I’m just not a fan of J-horror. I find it so weird and disjointed. So yes, I prefer this American remake. That noise still haunts me…

NUMBER 12

Title: The Amityville Horror
Year: 2005
Remake of: The Amityville Horror (1979)
Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Melissa George, Jesse James, Jimmy Bennett, Chloë Grace Moretz, and Rachel Nichols
Directed by: Andrew Douglas
Why it’s Better: I hated the original so very much, that literally anything would have been better. What we got was just a fun haunted house story. And who doesn’t love Ryan Reynolds?

NUMBER 11

Title: The Blob
Year: 1988
Remake of: The Blob (1958)
Starring: Shawnee Smith, Kevin Dillon, Donovan Leitch, Jeffrey DeMunn, Candy Clark, and Joe Seneca
Directed by: Chuck Russell
Why it’s Better: I have trouble with most old timey films. They have to be exceptional for me to be on board. And the ’58 version was just kinda slow and silly. This one takes that idea and cranks it up to 11. The practical effects are absolutely amazing. So much fun!

NUMBER 10

Title: Dorian Gray
Year: 2009
Remake of: The Picture of Dorian Gray (1945)
Starring: Ben Barnes, Ben Chaplin, Colin Firth, Maryam d’Abo, and Fiona Shaw
Directed by: Oliver Parker
Why it’s Better: Two words: Ben Barnes. fans self Oh, we need more? Again, old timey movies aren’t my bag. The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde is actually one of my favourite books (yes, I can deal with old timey books, just not movies), and I find this version to be the superior film.

NUMBER 9

Title: The Crazies
Year: 2010
Remake of: The Crazies (1973)
Starring: Timothy Olyphant, Radha Mitchell, Joe Anderson, Danielle Panabaker, and Christie Lynn Smith
Directed by: Breck Eisner
Why it’s Better: Another Romero zombie film, I didn’t like it for the same reason I didn’t like his “of the Dead” series. This one ratchets everything up, and is leagues better than the original. I love the fact that it’s not dead coming back to life, but a virus that makes you homicidal. Great film.

NUMBER 8

Title: Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves
Year: 1991
Remake of: The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938) There have been many other adaptations of this story as well.
Starring: Kevin Costner, Morgan Freeman, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Christian Slater, Alan Rickman, and Michael Wincott
Directed by: Kevin Reynolds
Why it’s Better: I find this one to be the best of all the Robin Hood films that I’ve seen (except maybe the Disney cartoon). It’s fun, it’s romantic, it’s a little silly, but oh so good!

NUMBER 7

Title: Dune
Year: 2021
Remake of: Dune (1984)
Starring: Timothée Chalamet, Rebecca Ferguson, Jason Momoa, Oscar Isaac, Josh Brolin, Stellan Skarsgård, and Javier Bardem
Directed by: Denis Villeneuve
Why it’s Better: Do I really need to explain? Lynch’s Dune (1984) is one of the silliest, most confusing and disjointed movies I’ve ever seen. Dune part 2 is also excellent.

NUMBER 6

Title: The Mummy
Year: 1999
Remake of: The Mummy (1932)
Starring: Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, John Hannah, Arnold Vosloo, Kevin J O’Connor, and Oded Fehr
Directed by: Stephen Sommers
Why it’s Better: Again the problem with old timey stuff. I only saw part of the original, and that was enough. This version turns it into an action adventure movie, and it’s all the better for it. Plus, 90’s Brendan Fraser? Whew fans self

NUMBER 5

Title: Sleepy Hollow
Year: 1999
Remake of: The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (1949)
Starring: Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, Miranda Richardson, Michael Gambon, Casper Van Dien, and Christopher Walken
Directed by: Tim Burton
Why it’s Better: I love the original cartoon, it’s very cute, but this version is the ultimate version. All the changes they made fit into the lore perfectly. This is Burton at his finest!

NUMBER 4

Title: The Ring
Year: 2002
Remake of: Ringu (1998)
Starring: Naomi Watts, Martin Henderson, David Dorfman, Brian Cox, and Daveigh Chase
Directed by: Gore Verbinski
Why it’s Better: I tried watching the original, but I just couldn’t get into it. Not a fan of J-horror. They have good ideas, but I guess it’s a cultural difference, I just don’t get their filming style, I guess. This one was, and remains, one of my favourite films. It’s creepy, atmospheric, and very well done.

NUMBER 3

Title: Nosferatu
Year: 2024
Remake of: Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens (1922)
Starring: Lily-Rose Depp, Nicholas Hoult, Bill Skarsgård, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, and Willem Dafoe
Directed by: Robert Eggers
Why it’s Better: I just did a whole post about this film, so I won’t repeat myself here. But my god, I love this film!

NUMBER 2

Title: It
Year: 2017
Remake of: It (1990)
Starring: Jaeden Martell, Sophia Lillis, Jeremy Ray Taylor, Finn Wolfhard, Jack Dylan Grazer, Chosen Jacobs, Wyatt Oleff, and Bill Skarsgård
Directed by: Andy Muschietti
Why it’s Better: I have a love for the original since I first saw it when I was 9. Tim Curry rocked the role of Pennywise. But I can’t deny that this is the better film. Both movies, however, had trouble with their part two’s. Not bad, but really not as good.

NUMBER 1

Title: Bram Stoker’s Dracula
Year: 1992
Remake of: Dracula (1931) There have been a literal tonne of Dracula movies, some great, others laughable, but this one started it all (I know, I know, Nosferatu came first. But the 1931 version was the first authorized adaptation).
Starring: Gary Oldman, Winona Ryder, Anthony Hopkins, Keanu Reeves, Sadie Frost, Cary Elwes, and Richard E Grant
Directed by: Francis Ford Coppola
Why it’s Better: I won’t deny the effect that the classics have had on modern film. Without the original Universal monsters, we might not have near as many great movies as we do. But it stands that I have trouble with old timey films. But this one. So lush, so beautiful, romantic, sometimes creepy. Simply put, perfect. Besides Keanu’s accent, of course! haha

Hope you enjoy reading this as much as I had making it. I’d almost forgotten how much I like blogging (and making lists. I love lists!)

M.

Nov 21 2025

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Abraham’s Boys

Abraham’s Boys (2025)
Titus Welliver, Brady Hepner, Judah Mackey, Jocelin Donahue, Aurora Perrineau, and Jonathan Howard
Directed by: Natasha Kermani

This one popped up on Shudder the other day, and being the vampire fanatic that I am, I was excited and put it on as soon as I had time. And… oh boy.

Years after defeating Dracula, Abraham Van Helsing and his wife Mina are raising their 2 sons on a seculded ranch. After finding a woman locked up under the house, the boys are told that the evil has followed them, and the monsters must be erradicated. But who’s the real monster?

SPOILERS INCOMING

Now listen. The concept is amazing. 10/10. It’s based on a story written by Joe Hill, so I’m not overly surprised. But the execution… eh. I’ll start with the acting, which ranged from mediocre to laughably bad. I don’t like to harp on child actors, cause it’s a tough gig, but man. There are good child actors out there. The movie looked decent. They got a suitably creepy old house to film in (not sure if it’s “new old” or “old old”), and the dusty, desolate landscape just adds to the ambiance they were going for.

The idea that Van Helsing is simply a murderer that tricked people into thinking there were real vampires is actually really solid. I guessed it from the beginning of the film, but that’s because I’ve seen movies before. I know how they work (most of the time. I still get surprised every so often.) I tried to track down the source material, but could not find it for the life of me. Should anybody read this and knows where to find it, please let me know. The pacing was all over the place, sometimes so slow that you wonder if anything is happening at all, and other times almost frenetic with its movements. I’m not sure what they were going for, but whatever it was, they failed.

So do I recommend it? Eh. Not really. Unless you’re a diehard fan of vampires. But then again, there were no vampires in this vampire movie. Vampire adjacent? Yeah, that’s it. 5/10

M.

This film is currently on Shudder.

Nov 16 2025

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Nosferatu

Nosferatu (2024)
Lily-Rose Depp, Nicholas Hoult, Bill Skarsgård, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Willem Dafoe, Ralph Ineson, and Emma Corrin
Directed by: Robert Eggers

So, I’ve been meaning to write about this one since I saw it in the cinema when it came out. But I’ve been really bad at blogging these days, so I never got around to it. I’m trying to break the cycle now, so here it is.

Newly-wed Ellen is haunted by an evil vampire who is infatuated with her. When her husband goes to the vampire’s castle to settle the agreement of buying a new house in Germany, he becomes a prisoner while the vampire is free to pursue Ellen.

I went into this very hesitantly. Nosferatu (1922) is, of course, a classic, and I absolutely adore Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992). I didn’t think that this movie would show me anything new while remaining faithful to the source material. I also am not a huge fan of Robert Eggers as a director. Well, I was very wrong. I absolutely adored this film. At 2 hours and 12 minutes, it’s quite long for a horror film, but it didn’t feel long to me. I found the pacing, while, yes, a little slow, perfect, and I was never bored. Didn’t look at my watch once!

I know that Eggers is a stickler for detail, and wants everything in a period piece to be perfect. So I was not surprised at how beautiful the film is. The costuming, the sets, the setting, everything was on point. The one tiny nit-pick I have is why do the characters all have British accents when this film takes place in Germany. I was quite surprised at that. But otherwise this film is near perfect. Bill Skarsgård already proved that he was able to portray a monster in It, and he does it again here. He absolutely oozes evil from every pore. And I was rather surprised at Lily-Rose Depp. I honestly didn’t think much of her besides the fact that she’s Johnny’s daughter (nepo-baby!!). But she embraced this role whole-heartedly and really gave it her all. She was wonderful. The rest of the main cast I already knew were going to be great.

So do I recommend it? Absolutely, with a caveat. If you’re (very) easily bored, or are not a fan of horror, then no. I tried to show this to my mom and she made it only a quarter of the way through, saying it’s boring. But me? 9.5/10. Very nearly perfect!

M.

This film is currently streaming on Prime.

Nov 13 2025

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Frankenstein

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Frankenstein (2025)
Oscar Isaac, Jacob Elordi, Christoph Waltz, Mia Goth, Felix Kammerer, David Bradley, Lars Mikkelsen, and Charles Dance
Directed by: Guillermo del Toro

So, for me, del Toro films are hit and miss. They’re always a visual treat, but sometimes the story just falls a little flat for me. So I didn’t know what to expect when I saw that he was remaking Frankenstein, a story that’s been done so many times already. But believe me, this one is worth the watch.

After losing his mother as a child, young Victor vows to conquer death. He follows in his father’s footsteps, and becomes a brilliant surgeon. He is approached by a man who offers to fund his research, and bring a man back to life.

This film is, of course, sumptuous and beautiful. Every little detail is perfect, the costumes, the locations, everything. Oh! And the makeup! The Creature is stunning! I saw in an interview that the full body application took 11 hours. Can you imagine?? And then the actor has to work all day! When does he sleep? But I digress… Big props to makeup artist Mike Hill and his team, wonderful work!

The film feels like a fairy tale, albeit a dark one. It’s a little gory at times, but never so much that it made me ill (except for the scene with some wolves, I literally cringed and tried to push myself into the couch. I know they weren’t real animals, but I still wish that wasn’t in there, or at least not so graphic). The acting was all superb. Oscar Isaac was fantastic, if a little manic, as the arrogant Victor. Mia Goth was beautiful and full of nuance as Elizabeth. And Christoph Waltz was amazing, as usual. But the standout for me was Jacob Elordi. I was crazy surprised by his acting chops, I thought he was just another pretty boy actor who did a few teen films. Boy was I wrong! He’s a wonderful, very physical actor, who can say so much without saying a word. His performance as the Creature is so… I’m searching for another word besides fantastic, amazing, wonderful… he’s all of those things.

And then there’s the story. To be honest, I haven’t read Franenstein since I was a kid, and remember very little of the details, so I can’t vouch for the quality of the adaptation. But the film’s story is great. I was surprised to see that it started at what seemed the end of the story, but once Victor starts to tell his tale, it makes sense. I won’t say anything else about the story because I want people to see the film going in as blind as possible, like I did. I’d only seen the teaser trailer for it, that’s all.

So do I reccomend it? Yes, yes, and more yes. I think even if you don’t like horror in general, you’ll probably like this. It’s a 10/10 from me. A truly mesmerizing piece of film.

M.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy!

May 26 2025

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Wolf Man

Wolf Man (2025)
Christopher Abbott, Julia Garner, Matilda Firth, Sam Jaeger, Zac Chandler, and Benedict Hardie
Directed by: Leigh Whannell


So I’ve been wanting to see this since it came out, but due to all the negative reviews I’d seen about it, I was apprehensive about spending any money on it. But it’s now streaming on Prime, so I decided to jump in. And you know, I wouldn’t have been mad about spending a few bucks on it.

A family at a remote farmhouse is attacked by an unseen animal, and as the night stretches on, the father begins to transform into something unrecognizable.

I really don’t understand all the hate this film got. No, it’s not reinventing the wheel, but it’s a good time. It has a few good, tense moments, and I actually quite enjoyed the POV shots changing between the family and the infected Blake. It’s a good idea that I don’t remember seeing before. The make-up effects were well done, even if the wolf design was slightly underwhelming. Christopher Abbott does a great job conveying a man who’s desperately trying to hold on to his humanity even as he feels it slipping away. Everyone was great, actually, except maybe Matilda Firth as daughter Ginger. She wasn’t as horrible as I’ve seen others accuse her of, but she wasn’t great. I don’t like being too hard on child actors, though. It’s a tough gig. The cinematography was stunning, as were the locales, but that happens when you film in New Zealand. I do wish they’d gone for a different ending, though. It felt very predictable and safe.

So if you’ve been on the fence about this one because of the reviews, I’d suggest just seeing it for yourself. You never can tell what you’re going to like based on what other people have thought. I know I definitely can’t. I often end up liking things others hated, or hating things others loved. This one gets a 7.5/10 from me.

M.

This film is currently streaming on Amazon Prime.

May 8 2025

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Coherence

Coherence (2013)
Emily Foxler, Nicholas Brendon, Maury Sterling, Elizabeth Gracen, Lorene Scafaria, Hugo Armstrong, Alex Manugian, and Lauren Maher
Directed by: James Ward Byrkit


So this film has been on my watch list for years. I’d always heard such good things about it that I really wanted to see it. So yesterday I finally took the plunge. And I have to say, I’m pretty disappointed.

Eight longtime friends come together for a dinner party on the night that a comet is passing overhead. What begins as a fun evening devolves into fear and paranoia as strange things start happening.

SPOILERS INCOMING

I had high hopes for this film and, to its credit, it has some great ideas. The comet seems to affect reality, splitting it into what is probably infinite possibilities. The friends come to realize that walking through a “dark space” outside will bring you to another reality where exact copies of themselves reside, with just some very slight differences. That was all great. But everything else… not so much.

The acting, first of all, feels weird, very forced. I guessed that maybe a lot of the dialog was improvised and, after looking it up, saw I was right. But it wasn’t seamless improv. The actors (none of whom I’d ever seen before save Nicholas Brendon who played Xander on Buffy the Vampire Slayer) seem to struggle with thinking of things to say, so it all sounded hollow. They also ended scenes very abruptly with hard cuts to black, which was very off-putting. The camera work was just plain bad, all weird angles and shakiness. And the ending was very underwhelming. They could have done so much with such an interesting idea, but they chose the low-hanging fruit.

I’ll give it a few points for an original idea, but I can’t give it more than a 5/10. Such a shame.

M.

This film is currently streaming on Prime.

Apr 25 2025

Mel’s 5 Second Review Double Feature: Superdeep & The Cleansing Hour

Superdeep (Kolskaya Sverhglubokaya) (2020)
Milena Radulovic, Nikita Dyuvbanov, Kirill Kovbas, Vadim Demchog, and Sergey Ivanyuk
Directed by: Arseniy Sukhin


So, I watched this one on a whim. I’d heard of the borehole, and the supposed recordings that came from it, and I thought that it made a good concept for a movie. Well, let me tell you, this was definitely not what I was expecting!

The Kola Superdeep borehole is the largest Russian secret facility. In 1984, at the depth of 12 kilometers below the surface, unexplained sounds were recorded, resembling screams and moans from hell. Since these events, the facility has been closed. A small research team of scientists and military personnel go down below the surface to find the secret hidden all these years.

So first, I watched this on Shudder, and they only had the English dub available. I usually don’t watch movies if they’ve been dubbed, so I’m not sure why I watched this one, but here it is. The actors they got for the dub were horrible. Simply wretched. The lead actress conveyed all the emotion of a stale scone. No matter what she was supposed to be doing or feeling, she had the same tone of voice. And the fact that the lips don’t move along with the voice drives me nuts.

The concept also didn’t seem to fit with what was advertised. “Sounds of hell” to me seems like it would involve demons, maybe ghosts, something in that line. What I got instead was a massive, cordyceps-like parasite. (If you don’t know what cordyceps are, they’re parasites that take over an ant’s nervous system, walks it back to its nest, or up to a high spot, and then spores will explode from the ant’s body, infecting everything around. Pretty creepy stuff.) In any case, it was still an interesting concept, so I kept watching. And while I don’t fully regret it, I can’t say it’s a great movie. It’s over-long, clocking in at 115 minutes. Half an hour could have easily been shaved off this thing to make it more palatable. It felt disjointed and the characters seemed like caricatures. What I will praise the film for is the practical effects. The make-ups were beautiful. And the creature, holy shit was that thing creepy! Just thinking about it gives me the willies.

All in all, I didn’t hate it, but I definitely didn’t love it. Maybe it’d have gotten a higher score had I seen it in its original Russian, but as it is, it gets a 5/10.

…

The Cleansing Hour (2020)
Ryan Guzman, Kyle Gallner, Alix Angelis, Chris Lew Kum Hoi, Daniel Hoffmann-Gill, and Emma Holzer
Directed by: Damien LeVeck


This one has been on my to-watch list since it came out, and I’ve just now got around to it. I’m glad I finally did.

Max and Drew are millennial entrepreneurs who’ve made themselves famous with a webcast they created called “The Cleansing Hour,” which streams live exorcisms. The catch? Each exorcism is elaborately staged. Until today, when Drew’s fiancé, today’s actress in the chair, turns out to actually be possessed!

Unlike Superdeep, this was very much exactly what I was expecting it to be. No shade intended! Sometimes the simplest ideas are the best ones. All the acting was great, especially Kyle Gallner, but no surprise there, he’s wonderful. The makeup and vfx were nothing special, but not awful, either. This was very overt, though. No “is she really possessed?” kind of thing, they make it known right from the get-go that she is. So I missed that sense of mystery a bit. It was also very loud, the sound design was a little jarring. But I suppose that’s to be expected from a film that’s basically one long exorcism. But in the end, I had a good time watching it, so it gets a solid 7.5/10.

M.

Both these films are currently on Shudder.